So for the last few weeks I have been planning on going on another 10 day vipassana retreat. I was looking so forward to meditating for 10 days and being silent above all else. But last night the center called me and told me that three female servers were not coming and asked if I could fill in. This caused a raging ego fit for some reason. I have this idea that I cannot accomplish what I am going there to accomplish as a server. The servers are not silent, and only sit 3 hours a day plus the discourse. So I still get in about 30 hours of meditation, but its the silent part. I really need to sit and be silent and not do anything. I was hoping to go up there and serve later this year but I have some serious things to work out at the moment that I know will heal themselves if I follow the course. I cannot stay in a constant state of meditation with the other servers talking to me and to each other, we all know how that goes, or mabye not all but let me tell you. Meditation in the outer world sucks in comparison. I need the structure and discipline, and more than anything, the silence. Even if I could work in silence away from the other servers that would be acceptable. I was not planning on going up there at all this time, it just happened that way. I cannot afford to take that much time off of work to go up there and not be able to do what I set out to do. I know it will be benificial either way, and yes this is a rather selfish outlook and contrary to the teachings of Goenka but I feel like if I cant sit this one, then I might as well not go at all. I cant just take 12 days off of work on a whim, I know I am not going to be able to go again until at the soonest, the end of this year. I took this time off without pay and I just cannot justify it if I don't sit.

"Continue to purify your mind and also help others to purify their own minds. You should not forget others while purifying your mind, but it is not healthy to try to help others without purifying yourself. If you are not strong, how can you help another weak person to become strong?"

I am not in the right state of mind to serve, my mind is not purified, I did not keep up the practice from last time, how then is it right for me to serve? If I am not strong, I cannot help a weak person to be strong.

 

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

Would you choose the water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

- Dave Barry, author and columnist (1947- )

As I see it, there are only two reasons why people want to share their religious views with others. One is because they are uncertain that their views are valid, but feel more confident if they are among others who believe the same (thus they want to convince others to join them).

 The other reason is that they want to have some power over the others. It may not seem likely that convincing someone to share the same views as you would be a way of feeling power over them, but having the ability to persuade others to change their basic beliefs is indeed a sign of power. That is, if you can persuade one person to change their basic beliefs, you have the power to persuade others. This may be a matter of perception, if not of reality.

 In neither case do the people who want to share their religious beliefs with others have any reason to want others to share theirs. In the case of those who are uncertain of the validity of their own beliefs, listening to those of others may well confuse them further. In the second case, listening to the religious views of others would be perceived as a sacrifice of power.

 Religion itself is a way of explaining that which is inherently unexplainable. That is not just the nature of religion, but its definition and reason for existence.

Bill Allin

www.billallin.com

 

“I am perpetually amazed that stable, intelligent people—people with drivers licenses and college degrees—people who can finish the New York Times crossword puzzle and run huge corporations—people who otherwise display the most superior powers of intelligence and insight can actually look me in the eye and tell me in deadly earnest that they believe:

 

* That all human beings have been cursed by the creator of the universe because of the very fact that we were born;

* That, because we are already guilty of committing life, the creator has condemned us to eternal torture after we die;

* That we can plea bargain ourselves out of this fate by perfectly surrendering to certain mental and behavioral parameters that are outlined in a book composed of sixty-six chapters written over a period of hundreds of years by an unknown number of authors in an assortment of languages—an unerring book that has been translated scores of times by individuals employed by intensely biased institutions;

*  That after we die our corpses (at some unspecified date in the future) will reanimate like zombies and fly up from our graves and hover in the sky at the side of our deity who, sitting on a flying horse, will slaughter one third of the population of the planet. Afterward, this same deity will preside over the ultimate kangaroo court in the clouds and issue one-way tickets to the lake of fire to the newly murdered and all others who in life did not unquestionably believe that all this was the only spiritual game plan in town.

 

I am sorry my friends. I cannot see how blindly accepting the above doctrine (or any of a hundred others just as ludicrous) could possibly be good for one’s mental health. As a matter of fact, it appears obvious to me that in order for a rational, intelligent person to subscribe to such silliness and still live a relatively normal life, he or she must set aside a small corner of the brain devoted exclusively to religious mental illness, and visit that area as infrequently as possible.”

Lon Milo DuQuette

 

This book is a treasure.

 

LOL, doing research for my paper, I found this. I never remember hearing anything about this at meetings, who was the lucky bastard that had to read this one out loud? or maybe they skipped it. Anyhow, its beautiful, but, uh, one of the Bible's more erotic moments.

 

 

Chapter One

Let him kiss me with the kiss of his mouth: for thy breasts are better than wine, smelling sweet of the best ointments. Thy name is as oil poured out: therefore young maidens have loved thee. Draw me: we will run after thee to the odour of thy ointments. The king hath brought me into his storerooms: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, remembering thy breasts more than wine: the righteous love thee.

I am black but beautiful, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Cedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Do not consider me that I am brown, because the sun hath altered my colour: the sons of my mother have fought against me, they have made me the keeper in the vineyards: my vineyard I have not kept. Shew me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou liest in the midday, lest I begin to wander after the flocks of thy companions. If thou know not thyself, O fairest among women, go forth, and follow after the steps of the flocks, and feed thy kids beside the tents of the shepherds.

To my company of horsemen, in Pharao's chariots, have I likened thee, O my love. Thy cheeks are beautiful as the turtledove's, thy neck as jewels. We will make thee chains of gold, inlaid with silver. While the king was at his repose, my spikenard sent forth the odour thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, he shall abide between my breasts. A cluster of cypress my love is to me, in the vineyards of Engaddi. Behold thou art fair, O my love, behold thou art fair, thy eyes are as those of doves. Behold thou art fair, my beloved, and comely.
 
Our bed is flourishing.The beams of our houses are of cedar, our rafters of cypress trees.

 
Chapter Two

I am the flower of the field, and the lily of the valleys. As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

As the apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow, whom I desired: and his fruit was sweet to my palate. He brought me into the cellar of wine, he set in order charity in me. Stay me up with flowers, compass me about with apples: because I languish with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand shall embrace me.

I adjure you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and the harts of the, fields, that you stir not up, nor make the beloved to awake, till she please.

The voice of my beloved, behold he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping over the hills. My beloved is like a roe, or a young hart. Behold he standeth behind our wall, looking through the windows, looking through the lattices. Behold my beloved speaketh to me: Arise, make haste, my love, my dove, my beautiful one, and come. For winter is now past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers have appeared in our land, the time of pruning is come: the voice of the turtle is heard in our land: The fig tree hath put forth her green figs: the vines in flower yield their sweet smell. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come: My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hollow places of the wall, shew me thy face, let thy voice sound in my ears: for thy voice is sweet, and thy face comely. Catch us the little foxes that destroy the vines: for our vineyard hath flourished. My beloved to me, and I to him who feedeth among the lilies, till the day break, and the shadows retire. Return: be like, my beloved, to a roe, or to a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.

 
Chapter Three

In my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and found him not. I will rise, and will go about the city: in the streets and the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and I found him not. The watchmen who keep the city, found me: Have you seen him, whom my soul loveth? When I had a little passed by them, I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him: and I will not let him go, till I bring him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that bore me.

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes and the harts of the fields, that you stir not up, nor awake my beloved, till she please. Who is she that goeth up by the desert, as a pillar of smoke of aromatical spices, of myrrh, and frankincense, and of all the powders of the perfumer? Behold threescore valiant ones of the most valiant of Israel, surrounded the bed of Solomon? All holding swords, and most expert in war: every man's sword upon his thigh, because of fears in the night.

King Solomon hath made him a litter of the wood of Libanus: The pillars thereof he made of silver, the seat of gold, the going up of purple: the midst he covered with charity for the daughters of Jerusalem. Go forth, ye daughters of Sion, and see king Solomon in the diadem, wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the joy of his heart.

 
Chapter Four

How beautiful art thou, my love, how beautiful art thou! thy eyes are doves' eyes, besides what is hid within. Thy hair is as flocks of goats, which Come up from mount Galaad. Thy teeth as flocks of sheep, that are shorn which come up from the washing, all with twins, and there is none barren among them. Thy lips are as a scarlet lace: and thy speech sweet. Thy cheeks are as a piece of a pomegranate, besides that which lieth hid within. Thy neck, is as the tower of David, which is built with bulwarks: a thousand bucklers hang upon it, all the armour of valiant men. Thy two breasts like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies. Till the day break, and the shadows retire, I will go to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.

Thou art all fair, O my love, and there is not a spot in thee. Come from Libanus, my spouse, come from Libanus, come: thou shalt be crowned from the top of Amana, from the top of Sanir and Hermon, from the dens of the lions, from the mountains of the leopards. Thou hast wounded my heart, my sister, my spouse, thou hast wounded my heart with one of thy eyes, and with one hair of thy neck. How beautiful are thy breasts, my sister, my spouse! thy breasts are more beautiful than wine, and the sweet smell of thy ointments above all aromatical spices. Thy lips, my spouse, are as a dropping honeycomb, honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments, as the smell of frankincense.

My sister, my spouse, is a garden enclosed, a garden enclosed, a fountain sealed up. Thy plants are a paradise of pomegranates with the fruits of the orchard. Cypress with spikenard. Spikenard and saffron, sweet cane and cinnamon, with all the trees of Libanus, myrrh and aloes with all the chief perfumes. The fountain of gardens: the well of living waters, which run with a strong stream from Libanus. Arise, O north wind, and come, O south wind, blow through my garden, and let the aromatical spices thereof flow.

 
Chapter Five

Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat the fruit of his apple trees.

I am come into my garden, O my sister, my spouse, I have gathered my myrrh, with my aromatical spices: I have eaten the honeycomb with my honey, I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends, and drink, and be inebriated, my dearly beloved. I sleep, and my heart watcheth; the voice of my beloved knocking: Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is full of dew, and my locks of the drops of the nights. I have put off my garment, how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet, how shall I defile them?

My beloved put his hand through the key hole, and my bowels were moved at his touch. I arose up to open to my beloved: my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers were full of the choicest myrrh. I opened the bolt of my door to my beloved: but he had turned aside, and was gone. My soul melted when he spoke: I sought him, and found him not: I called, and he did not answer me. The keepers that go about the city found me: they struck me: and wounded me: the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I languish with love.

What manner of one is thy beloved of the beloved, O thou most beautiful among women? what manner of one is thy beloved of the beloved, that thou hast so adjured us? My beloved is white and ruddy, chosen out of thousands. His head is as the finest gold: his locks as branches of palm trees, black as a raven. His eyes as doves upon brooks of waters, which are washed with milk, and sit beside the plentiful streams. His cheeks are as beds of aromatical spices set by the perfumers. His lips are as lilies dropping choice myrrh. His hands are turned and as of gold, full of hyacinths. His belly as of ivory, set with sapphires. His legs as pillars of marble, that are set upon bases of gold. His form as of Libanus, excellent as the cedars. His throat most sweet, and he is all lovely: such is my beloved, and he is my friend, O ye daughters of Jerusalem.

Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou most beautiful among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside, and we will seek him with thee?

 
Chapter Six

My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the bed of aromatical spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies. I to my beloved, and my beloved to me, who feedeth among the lilies. Thou art beautiful, O my love, sweet and comely as Jerusalem: terrible as an army set in array. Turn away thy eyes from me, for they have made me flee away. Thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from Galaad. Thy teeth as a flock of sheep, which come up from the washing, all with twins, and there is none barren among them. Thy cheeks are as the bark of a pomegranate, beside what is hidden within thee.

There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and young maidens without number. One is my dove, my perfect one is but one, she is the only one of her mother, the chosen of her that bore her. The daughters saw her, and declared her most blessed: the queens and concubines, and they praised her. Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in array?

I went down into the garden of nuts, to see the fruits of the valleys, and to look if the vineyard had flourished, and the pomegranates budded. I knew not: my soul troubled me for the chariots of Aminadab. Return, return, O Sulamitess: return, return that we may behold thee.

 
Chapter Seven

What shalt thou see in the Sulamitess but the companies of camps? How beautiful are thy steps in shoes, O prince's daughter! The joints of thy thighs are like jewels, that are made by the hand of a skillful workman. Thy navel is like a round bowl never wanting cups. Thy belly is like a heap of wheat, set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins. Thy neck as a tower of ivory. Thy eyes like the fishpools in Hesebon, which are in the gate of the daughter of the multitude. Thy nose is as the tower of Libanus, that looketh toward Damascus. Thy head is like Carmel: and the hairs of thy head as the purple of the king bound in the channels.

How beautiful art thou, and how comely, my dearest, in delights! Thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said: I will go up into the palm tree, and will take hold of the fruit thereof: and thy breasts shall be as the clusters of the vine: and the odour of thy mouth like apples. Thy throat like the best wine, worthy for my beloved to drink, and for his lips and his teeth to ruminate.

I to my beloved, and his turning is towards me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field, let us abide in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards, let us see if the vineyard flourish, if the flowers be ready to bring forth fruits, if the pomegranates flourish: there will I give thee my breasts. The mandrakes give a smell. In our gates are all fruits: the new and the old, my beloved, I have kept for thee.

 
Chapter Eight

Who shall give thee to me for my brother, sucking the breasts of my mother, that I may find thee without, and kiss thee, and now no man may despise me? I will take hold of thee, and bring thee into my mother's house: there thou shalt teach me, and I will give thee a cup of spiced wine and new wine of my pomegranates. His left hand under my head, and his right hand shall embrace me.

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you stir not up, nor awake my love till she please. Who is this that cometh up from the desert, flowing with delights, leaning upon her beloved? Under the apple tree I raised thee up: there thy mother was corrupted, there she was deflowered that bore thee. Put me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thy arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy as hard as hell, the lamps thereof are fire and flames. Many waters cannot quench charity, neither can the floods drown it: if a man should give all the substance of his house for love, he shall despise it as nothing.

Our sister is little, and hath no breasts. What shall we do to our sister in the day when she is to be spoken to? If she be a wall: let us build upon it bulwarks of silver: if she be a door, let us join it together with boards or cedar. I am a wall: and my breasts are as a tower since I am become in his presence as one finding peace.

The peaceable had a vineyard, in that which hath people: he let out the same to keepers, every man bringeth for the fruit thereof a thousand pieces of silver. My vineyard is before me. A thousand are for thee, the peaceable, and two hundred for them that keep the fruit thereof. Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the friends hearken: make me hear thy voice. Flee away, O my beloved, and be like to the roe, and to the young hart upon the mountains of aromatical spices.

My wonderful coworker graciously notified me of the existence of this awesome t-shirt:

http://www.threadless.com/product/1225/Murderer

I am so buying this so you all can make even more snide remarks about eating grass clippings and such.

People who don't know anything about a subject should refrain from speaking about it because it invariably makes them look like blubbering fools. Case in point: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Kabbalah/kabbalah_exposed.htm

 

my favorite quote: "Kabbalah is straight from hell!"

I want to give this person a giant hug, pat them on the head, and tell them everything is going to be alright.

 

"when flowers will be begot within flowers, and fruits within fruits, then will the Yuga come to an end. And the clouds will pour rain unseasonably when the end of the Yuga approaches."

 

"When the rose is crushed by the hand or stepped upon by the foot, it gives off a sweet fragrance. So must your life be. Give only kindess and love to those who do evil against you." --Paramahansa Yogananda

 

"And the evil also helpeth the Work, for thus the greater and more intense the darkness, by so much the more doth the Light become bright by contrast and draweth, as it were, increased force from the Blackness."

 

more from that last article. I just had to put it here. I wanna memorize this and blurt it out some time when people are complaining about how bad things seem. It would be a yoda moment lol. Did i mention i've had about a day's sleep in the last week? Im bloody exhausted.